What About Bob?

Upon returning home from my trip around the United States I made a decision. No more feeling sorry for myself. No more wishing for things to happen for me. I needed to take matters into my own hands and make good things happen for me in my life. I’m a doer. Sitting around praying and hoping and wishing hasn’t worked so far. I’ve had some precious gems in my rock tumbler brain. I let them roll over and over in my mind as they polish. These gems are the things I can’t live without. Everything else just doesn’t matter. So I made a list: companionship (not my dogs), someone who makes me the most important person in their world, a good-joyful sex life, laughter, sharing, honesty, family, adventure, and kindness. I also looked at the stuff that doesn’t matter and I named it all: the approval of others, a hundred pairs of shoes, politics, religious views, new things (I can buy used things - as long as it is not going in my mouth or it still may have someone else’s skin cells on it.) I know that one was oddly specific. I don’t need more money than I need. I don’t need more food than I can eat. How to talk about these things, how to make sure I don’t give my heart away to the wrong person, how to introduce myself that paints me in an accurate light, how to respond to others who “like” me, how to go about finding that special someone while being sensitive to how my sons might feel has been a heavy task.

Once I was able to verbalize and acknowledge all this, I began actively searching for my special person. The one I’ve written so many poems for and so many poems about. I had been waiting for him to find me, but Jean-Luc was never going to let that happen. :0) Also, sometimes you just don’t know what you really want. You just know exactly what you don’t want. Like when you can’t figure out what you want for dinner, but you know you don’t want pizza or burgers. Then you drive by Miguel’s Jr. and the classic burrito with chili verde just speaks to you.

I was finding the online dating-meeting scene to be the worst. I‘m pretty sure I was catfished a few times. I read, “Life is special and I want someone to share it with” so many times. Just insert new face. Duh - that’s what we are all dong on this site. So many people misrepresenting themselves. Some just want to have endless texting conversations. So I decided that anyone I “liked” or who “liked” me would get my phone number. I would agree to meet anyone. They might just end up being a friend, but who knows what wonderful connection might be made. I moved to Arizona with Ben after I had known him for only two months. I’m a good judge of character. It lasted for 43 years.

So dear Reader, you’ve been with me on my trip to self discovery and longing. I owe you a happy ending, but more than that I think I deserve a happy ending for myself. Well this guy with a goofy smile liked me back. I gave him my number on Sunday, September 19th. He called me on Monday, September 20th and asked me to lunch. We met at the fountain in Orange with a quick hug. We went to the Urth Cafe and shared fruit and coffee. My latte was so good and the conversation, just flowed. It flowed as I shared my sob story about Ben. (I was so scared that I was going to scare him away by talking about my husband so much.) It flowed as he shared his past with me. It flowed as we window shopped the antique market. It flowed for five hours. I liked him right away. He has an honest face with facial hair (I like me some beard) and his hands are warm and gentle, but very manly. He asked me out on a second date to trivia night at the Olde Ship Bar and Grill in Fullerton, a hangout for he and his friends. I said that I’d love that and that I’d meet him there. He walked me to my truck and we had another hug and I gave him a peck on the cheek. One little side note about our first date. When I was crying about Ben, Bob reached out to me and told me that I should never apologize for remembering or talking about Ben because he is a part of me. That made a big impression on me.

Since our second date we’ve been together ever since. He ticks all my “can’t live without” boxes. I guess I tick his as well. It’s been 16 days and the heart knows what the heart wants. So, what about Bob? I choose Bob. He’s fun - we laugh a lot. He’s romantic - he cooks breakfast and does the dishes. He is very caring - he took me to the urgent care when I thought my head was going to explode. (Funny side story about this trip to urgent care: Bob was telling the doctor about my medications, when my headache started and so on. The doctor asked, “How long have you been together?” And Bob said, “What day is today?”) He is honest - he’s shared the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of his life with me. Family is important to him - he gets choked up when he talks about his parents, his siblings, and his children. He’s generous and loyal - he’s a boy scout. He’s adventurous - he fishes and hunts. He’s strong - an ex gymnast and baseball player. Finally, he is a generous lover - and wants to take care of me. Who could ask for more? His smile online was kind of goofy - I like silly. But he is also handsome. I don’t know how I got so lucky, but I did and I’m just going to enjoy my life and enjoy Bob being in it as long as it lasts.

We are planning to buy a RV together and travel, so there is more Roadwork ahead.