November 11: Day 4 - Goodbye to My Good and Faithful Friends

"No one can fully understand the meaning of love unless he's owned a dog." - Gene Hill

"No time on Earth is long enough to share with the animals we love, or prepare our hearts to say goodbye." - Unknown

"A dog is one of the few things in life, that is exactly what it seems." - Unknown

"I can trust when a dog doesn't like a human, but I cannot trust the human that doesn't like dogs." - Terry Wheeler

"A dog is the only thing on Earth that loves you more than he loves himself." - Josh Billings

You can't see it because of the dogs' nose art on the window, but the rock sign says, Welcome to Laramie, Wyoming.

So you all know that I am on my way to meet Bob in Minnesota with his two dogs and my three dogs. We made it to Laramie in the middle of the night. The dogs had to pee really bad so I pulled up to the dog run at the KOA. I put all the dogs, one by one into the gated area. When I went to get the last dog, Cosette I look to find Mack opening the gate and letting the other dogs out. Lesson learned: Always let Mack out last! Siri says that it is 21 degrees and I still don't know what is wrong with my trailer heater. (Haha find out in a later post why this is so funny.) So we all six slept in the bed with every blanket, pillow, hat, jacket, gloves, scarf that I could muster up. I am so cold and I am so sad because tomorrow is the day when the Picards go back to their breeder, Marcie. She is a wonderful and loving person. I can't imagine them being with anyone else. I was just going to leave Cosette, but I can't do that to her and Jean-Luc deserves to have the freedom that Marcie's property allows the dogs. So he and I had a long conversation about why I was going to leave him and that it didn't mean that I don't love him, but it is because I love him so much. He understood and gave me some kisses and slept with his head on my shoulder and pillow all night.

Today, I am remembering the day nine years ago when Ben and I drove to LAX to pick up our new Berger de Picard fur baby, Jean-Luc. He was the dog I always wanted. From the moment I met him in person he was mine and I was his. I didn't think I could love a dog more than my Bradley, but Jean-Luc was special from day one. He has always understood everything I've said to him. He listens intently and really does feel bad when he messes up, which is rare. He understands when I need him and when I need space. When we went to get him he was asleep in the crate. Six months later, we adopted Cosette. When we went to get her, we could hear her crying and yelping before we saw her. She had peed all inside her crate. She was aptly named from the start. Cosette was the daughter adopted by Jean Val jean in Les Miserable. On the other hand Jean-Luc was also named appropriately after Jean-Luc Picard, Captain of the Starship Enterprise. Cool, calm, Frenchman shepherding his crew across the galaxy. These two dogs have seen me through some very tough times. First - the loss of our first grandchild, Ava. The transition from principal to teacher again. They became our class mascots due to the endearing read-aloud, Because of Winn-Dixie by Kate DiCamillo. They endured a two week doggie camp to learn sit, come, stay, heel, down, and relax. They've walked miles with us, took patrol of the backyard, caught countless balls and have entertained us with their antics for so many years. They have licked my tears as I waited to hear if my husband was going to recover, first from pulmonary embolisms and then ultimately from COVID. They listened to me wail when I lost Ben. They stayed by my side the three months I lay in bed grieving Ben's loss and the loss of my life as I knew it. They never complained - well Cosette kind of always complains, but it's mostly because she loves so deeply and really wants to be touched. She was the apple of Ben's eye. Looking at her kills me. So, today I thank them by allowing them to live out their golden years together on Marce's 28 acres. (She is not going to adopt them out, so I'll always know where they are, which gives me such peace of mind. Thank you Marce.) There they can chase sheep, bark at the alpaca, and run and run and run. The wide open Wyoming landscape is the perfect place for them to make new friends and reunite with old litter mates and play at catching the wind. Thank you dear fur babies. You have been my ever good and faithful friends and companions - loving me with no expectations other than to be loved back. I'll always love you, always.

This was one of the saddest days of my life. It's another goodbye in a long line of goodbyes that will always put a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye. My heart has too many holes in it. It will be a long time for the scar tissue to heal them all. I just hope that the scar tissue doesn't make my heart hardened. Maybe there's enough soft spots left for whatever lies ahead for me.