October 4 - 11: Here I Go Again On My Own!

dieppalaurie
Nov 4, 2021
9 min read

Who would have thought that Laurie would get on an airplane by herself ever again - not me. I have a thing about airplanes - I'm not afraid of dying. The type of heights from the air don't bother me, but I don't like skyscrapers. The problem is that I'm claustrophobic and airplane travel is not conducive for a claustrophobic. But I faced my fear and got on the plane without the use of alcohol or drugs. I was on my way back to New York. Terry and his family have been putting so much work into their Farm Festival at Thistle Downs. I just wanted to come and help out in anyway that I could. I also wanted to see this family of mine that I didn't know I could love so much. So I got on the plane in Orange County. Bob took me to the airport, we're just getting to know each other, so parting was such sweet sorrow. Lucked out on the first leg of my journey I had a window seat and no one in the middle of me and a very quiet young man. We arrived in Atlanta on time, but had a delay of another hour so two hour delay and a last minute gate change. the Atlanta airport is enormous. It covers 2.5 million square feet. Walking from gate T to gate D is approximately two miles, then with the gate change, I got in all the steps I needed for the day. So the last leg to Albany was sooo crowded and the very fat lesbian next to me was snoring, hogging the armrest and kept leaning towards me. I kept trying to move closer to the window until I was sitting sideways in my seat with my head in the window frame. We arrived in Albany around 12:30 AM. I went to the car rental (only one open at that time) where apparently I had not reserved a car - but they could stir up a car for me for the low low price of $1,000. - WHAT TF? So I called the hotel and asked for a shuttle. I waited and waited about 40 minutes. So I called for an Uber. The app said one was on its way - but then about 20 minutes later it said there wasn't one in my area. Now I called a taxi. I waited another half hour, my phone was almost dead, so I called my niece, Kayla and asked her to rescue me. Just before she arrived at 3:00 AM the taxi showed up. I told him too late, buddy. As he pulled away Kayla pulled up. She took me to the hotel. I went to bed at 3:30 AM. That was 18 hours awake, 12 hours traveling, and 3 hours waiting at the empty airport. The next morning Kayla came to pick me up at the hotel and took me to rent a car from her Nissan rental service. I finally arrived at the farm around lunch time. Jackie and Phil and the pups came to greet me. Such a warm welcome. Terry was at work. When he got home, he seemed so tired. I'm glad that this will be his last year teaching. We had a very pleasant week. Just getting ready for the Pumpkin Festival. Terry and I hung pennants. It was indeed very festive. Kayla and everyone did a great job on the store inside and out. There were approximately 20 vendors there. There was also pumpkin painting, face painting, cocoa, coffee, lattes, chili, chili dogs, burgers, cookies. The corn maze was amazing. Inside the maze there were many monsters to look for. All the kids, families, and even some old ladies seemed to really enjoy it. Sara came from Connecticut to sell some of her crafts. Some really cute stuff. Cody and Devin were in charge of the food booth on Saturday . John had a booth to represent his bank. Jackie stamped tickets to the corn maze, Emily, Kayla's best friend was in charge of the coffee bar in the store. I filled in wherever I was needed. So so proud of how this family works together.

So I talked to Terry about the old people next door. He reminded me of my blog post where I sad that I want to live life with a forgiving heart. No, I don't actually appreciate having my own words tossed every so gently back in my direction, but it was a good reminder. Then I talked it over with Bob and then again with Terry and they agreed with each other. When two important people in my life agree, I guess I should listen. I decided to go see the old man and old lady. I also decided to act with a forgiving heart and see what would happen. My father was a bit subdued as I talked to each of them a bit about their ailments and whatever else they needed to say. Then I told them about Bob. I was really surprised at their response, which was overwhelmingly positive. (They are never positive about anything.) Last time I was on the farm my father said that he felt so bad for my grandchildren who "just lost their grandfather and now their grandmother abandoned them" WTF? This time I can't do anything wrong - guess why... because Bob is Catholic. So all is right with the world because Bob is Catholic. It's what Bruce has been praying for, "for years." Never mind Ben's only been gone since January, and oh yeah - not a Catholic. So the rest of the trip I spent with Jackie and I went to a football game with Terry, which was a lot of fun. The Granville Horde had their first win this season and they won by a lot. Terry was calling the plays and I'm sure that made all the difference. I got to sit on the bench, which turned out to be fun, but not very good for actually seeing the game with the Horde standing in front of me.

Back to the old people. On Friday evening when Terry and I were putting up the pennants our dad came out to tell me, "Do not leave without coming over to say goodbye on Sunday." So I did. All was going well when out of the blue Maxine says, "Lou, I ain't gonna be seeing you come spring." She's sure she's going to die before spring (even though she looks, talks, and walks better than she did this summer.) "So, I have something to ask you." Now I thought she's going to tell me where their will is or something like that - but no - she says, "I've always felt like you resented me." I said, "well if you really want to know..." As a child of nine it was sort of my job to resent her, right? Intentionally or not she is the usurper. She began to tell me how awful it was that my father would go out of town and leave her with us and then he quit his job. (He was always quitting a job on moral grounds - I'm not certain that he wasn't fired from all of his jobs.) She said that she felt like she made a mistake, but she stayed for "you kids." She said she always wanted more kids and this was her opportunity and that she had "no idea" that our mother would be removed from our birth certificates. I don't believe her. (More on that later.) I said that she had told more than one person on more than one occasion that Bruce had given her a ring and put it on her finger to remind her that he was going to marry her and that this happened before my mom died. She denied this, but then told me about being in the hospital at the same time that my mother passed away and that my dad had gone to see her on the same night that his wife died. They weren't even at the same hospital. I also know that our next door neighbor's mother was the person with my mom when she passed - not my father - not her husband. My dad piped up at this point and said that he had been told that my mother had three weeks to live. If your spouse had three weeks to live would you be visiting another woman in another hospital? I think the whole situation was despicable. The he lied and said that he never even looked at Maxine before my mother died. I said, "Dad, I know that is not true." To which he stated, "I guess I'm just a bed person. I guess I was just a bad father. I'll never recover from this conversation." I told him that I am trying my hardest to live a life with a forgiving heart and that frankly that's why I was even visiting him and that if he truly felt the way he says - he would be asking for forgiveness with a sincere apology, but Terry and I haven't heard it yet. Dejected, he went upstairs to wallow in his self pity. Maxine began to cry and say, "Oh what have I done? - He's so upset what if he hurts himself?" I told her that he is too self-centered to do that but I'd make sure Terry checked on him the next day.

In the meantime I told Maxine - "I'm more than a bit certain that my mother's death certificate and my original birth certificate are somewhere in this house and I am not leaving until I get them." She knew exactly where they were, AND even with he oxygen cannula in her nose she was able to get out of the chair she sits in 14 hours each day to find them and give them to me. She kept saying that she hoped she was doing the right thing, because these documents belong to my dad. I said, "NO! They belong to me, he lost the privilege of holding onto them." WTF? Why when I called this summer when I was crying and searching all over Memphis for my mother's grave site was she not able to just look at those documents and give me the information. Living with a forgiving heart when these are the people I have to forgive is probably one of the hardest things I've ever tried to do. Everyday is a struggle. Hind sight is 20/20 and it ain't pretty. Guess what was found with the death and birth certificates? A letter from their lawyer regarding the change of names on the birth certificates - LIARS.

Well that's how my trip to New York ended. I stayed up all night missing Terry, Jackie, and the kids, my family, and I ached to be held in Bob's arms. At 3:00 AM I left the house and drove to meet Kayla and John at the Nissan dealer to turn in my car and then they drove me to the airport. The first leg of my trip home was Albany to Chicago, I had a window seat and just turned my back to all and went to sleep. I've never been to Chicago's O'Hare airport without a delay. It wasn't too long of a delay, but it was on the tarmac and the plane was packed. This time I had an aisle seat. About two hours from John Wayne Airport in Orange County, I struck up a conversation with the man in the middle seat. His name is Brian. He was wearing an army green plastic type bracelet and I asked him if he had been in the military. He had not - but began to tell me about the bracelet. He wears it in memory of his son, Matthew, "The Best Kid Ever." Brian is from Buffalo and living in Rochester, which is where my father and brother were both born. He has a wife named Christine, a daughter Josie, and a younger son, whose name is currently escaping me, but might be Maddox. Matthew's story is a tragic one and I won't share the pain of it here. He shared that on the backside of Matthew's gravestone they put this quote, "If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever." These are the exact words I said to Ben as he was wheeled away from me and I never saw the husband I knew ever again. Brian spoke with me in confidence. He is good person, traveling on business during a difficult period for him. We connected on so many levels - sons, loss, expectations for the future, how to get through and continue to live, really live. We exchanged phone numbers and have texted a few times - We both love key lime pie. I'm looking forward to seeing him in the spring when I visit New York again - this time with Bob - and meeting his family and maybe enjoying some key lime ice cream at his favorite ice cream shop.

See one door is closing and another is opening. I cling to this image everyday. I just have to keep walking through to see what adventure is waiting on the other side.