July 29: Last Day Blues

Today's post is dedicated to embracing sadness - letting go of past regrets, and loving who I am today. Every time I feel sad, I try to suppress this feeling and just get over it. Today, I've let myself cry and cry freely. I've cried for Ben, I've cried for my dad, I've cried for my unknown future, and I've cried for all the years that have gone by without a real relationship with my brother. Now, I'm looking at what I've been able to accomplish in this very tough year - forgiving myself, admiring myself and begin to love myself. It's hard but I'm doing it.

"Train your mind to see the good in everything, positivity is a choice." - Motive Me

"You must be big enough to admit your mistakes, smart enough to learn from them, and strong enough to correct them." - John C. Maxwell

"Life can only be understood backwards: but it must be lived forwards. Enjoy where you are right now in your life. Be fearless and unstoppable." - Soren Kierkegaard

"Never regret anything that has happened in your life. It cannot be changed, undone or forgotten. So take it as a lesson learned and move on." - Bizware Magic

I've got the last day in New York blues. I leave tomorrow. I've been here for three weeks. I've felt more love from my brother, Terry his wife Jackie, and their family than I ever felt from my own family growing up after my mother passed away or by Ben's family in 30 years. I Never doubted that Ben loved me, but his family seemed to only tolerate my presence. Somehow I ended up being the " bad guy" because I dared to have desires and dreams that extended beyond making someone else happy. Yesterday when Aaron went over to spend some time with his grandfather and Max, whom he had not seen in almost 20 years, and also to say goodbye, Bruce actually said that they 'weren't kicking him out" but they kind of did because it was time for their daily wine and Jeopardy. That couldn't be put off for a day. How selfish can a person be? Pretty selfish, apparently.

Aaron had to be at the Albany Airport at 6:30 this morning, so we had to leave at 4:00 AM. Aaron drove there. He said that it made him want a truck again. I slept for several hours when I got back. Then, I cleaned up the camper, packed up the truck and generally got ready to leave tomorrow.

For my last night in New York Terry took us all out to the Barn restaurant for those great garlic fries and the Pain Killer. I also had blueberry cheesecake. It was heavenly. I enjoyed it immensely.